All my life I’ve been rubbish with contraception. That’s not something any woman would usually admit to, but it’s true. I very rarely used condoms, always forgot to take the pill and just never really bothered worrying about it.
I got married in my late 20s and for the past two and a half years have been actively trying to conceive. My husband is nonchalant about the whole thing, he already has two kids you see.
I’m already a mum to a 6 year old, I just didn’t meet her during the first year of her life. I’m a good mum, but I don’t feel like other people see me as that. I feel like everyone – friends, family, in-laws – sees me as a step-mum. That’s not to say I want a baby just to prove them wrong, of course not, but that would be a bonus.
I want to be able to join in conversations with other mums about pregnancy, cravings, birth, nappies, sleepless nights – all the things I missed out on.
This isn’t something I feel I can discuss with anyone, people think I’m being ridiculous, but I can’t help how I feel, can I?
For now I’m going to do some housework, go to the kid’s singing recital and think about why I felt I needed to start this blog at all.