Obviously, these are not actual, genuine ways to get pregnant. The only way to do that is to have sex at the right time and cross your fingers the little swimmers find your giant egg. In my quest to have a baby of my own I have come across some ridiculous suggestions of how to speed the process up, here are some of my favourite how to get pregnant fast tips:
1. GET DRUNK!
This is one I hear all the time. Remember that scene in Friends when Phoebe’s brother suggests it? Well actual real people do it too. Even a friend of mine who is a Doctor said it to me. Just get drunk. Hell, it works for a lot of people right? You watch Jezza and they’re all like It was just one drunken mistake and now I’ve got triplets! Arseholes. Lucky, lucky arseholes.
Have you ever tried relaxing when someone’s telling you to relax? Yeah, it’s not easy. There’s life, rushing past, all you want to do is add another heartbeat into the mix before your biological clock runs out but don’t stress, worry not, just relax. Easy? I think not.
3. DON’T THINK ABOUT IT!
Connected to number two, the age old don’t think about it advice. I desperately want a baby, every time I have sex I know that there is a tiny possibility we could be making a baby. That is HARD to not think about! Yes it kills the mood slightly sometimes, and yes it would be lovely to be able to forget about it, but I can’t. Why don’t you stop thinking about how it would be lovely to fly like Superman, then maybe that will happen too.
4. HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME!
No, that’s just stupid. There are 3 – 5 days a month when conditions are perfect for making ze babies. Having sex the other 23+ days of your cycle will not increase your chances, so just shut up.
5. ABSTAIN FROM SEX!
On the flip side, some people recommend only have sex when you’re fertile. For me that would mean 3 days of sex followed by up to 44 days of no sex. That’s more days than in that crap film. Funnily enough, I love my husband and enjoy having sex with him, not just for the purpose of procreation. Abstain. Humph!
6. DIET & EXERCISE!
This one I’m going to be a little easier on. If you have a good diet and you regularly exercise then your body will much more closely resemble a temple than the fat bird camped outside KFC. However I have spent the past year on a strict diet & exercise regimen and, hold on, wait, oh yeah – no baby!
What are the other crazy old wive’s tales you’ve heard about how to get pregnant fast?